Tales is still months away, but I celebrated it with Saveur

Jan. 2

Interesting facts gleaned from the evening.

1) Punch is delicious. (more of a restatement rather than a discovery)
2) Eben Freeman listens to T.I.

I usually sneak into Tailor right when it opens and run out way before the night really begins for people with real lives, so I'd never really been in the place when there's lots of people in it.

The event was in anticipation of Tales of the Cocktail (coming to a New Orleans near you, June 2009), and to say, "Hey, we're partnered with Saveur now." So it wasn't all bartenders, but a mix of bar folks, brand folks and media types. Don Lee and John Deragon were there, but bailed out early to my indignant cries of "Weeeeeeeeeeak saaaaaaaauuuce." As I squeezed my way to and fro in the crowd I spotted other familiar faces. I was pleased to see that Allen Katz was still sporting his a la souvarov and there was also Tony Conigliaro, whom I hadn't seen since Tales. Even Camper English from the West Coast was in attendance.



I'd brought my friend Marc Almendarez along to take photos for me. Longtime readers may recognize his work from our previous collaboration at a Rhum Clement contest a little while back. The lighting in Tailor is very tricky and I've always had terrible luck taking photographs there and on a more personal level Eben Freeman has been poking fun at my not so stellar photo work. So I decided to prove him wrong...by having a friend take photos for me. Hey, it's a solution of sorts. That place is like expert level, and I am not an expert, so why not borrow the expertise of a friend. And for the record, I am totally capable of taking decent photos. Sometimes.



There were two punches being served for the first part of the evening. The first was Captain Radcliffe's Punch. The recipe comes from a 17th century poem written by and English army captain and as Dave Wondrich called him, a "rake," Alexander Radcliffe. It's made with Ansac VSOP Cognac, Sauternes, freshly grated nutmeg and lemon. The second was the Regent's Punch. Dave explained the punch's origin to the crowd. It was named for George the IV, the 19th century prince regent. While George III was busy being mad, George IV was busy running the country, and this particular punch was his favorite tipple. I don't blame the guy. First, because ruling a country instead of your nutty dad is a tough job that could drive anyone to drink and second, this stuff was delicious.



The plan for the latter half of the evening was a time for folks to talk to Ann Tuennerman about Tales and what to look forward to. Since this portion of the event was to be sponsored by Hendrick's Gin, a gin drink would be necessary. As people were still dipping into the punchbowls I watched Eben at the other end of the bar vigorously shake a small container. I was curious but went back to busily filling my glass with what punch was left before they swapped out drinks. I chatted a bit with Jordana Rothman from Time Out New York who was telling me how she read my blog. I know, I was surprised too. Apparently, people actually read this thing.

I turned around to the bar again after talking with Jordana to see if there was any more of that punch. Troy, who was working behind the bar with Ashley that evening, pushed a small beaker-type vessel in front of me with liquid that looked kind of like beer.

"What's this?" I asked.

Troy said it was the Pimm's Pony. A drink of Eben's from back in the WD-50 days. It was Pimm's, gin, Sprite and a bit of cucumber foam made by shaking some cucumber juice. Cucumber juice? Well, I don't know if extract is the word. That makes it sound like it's from concentrate or something. Juice works, right? I mean, it's just liquid from cucumber. Cucumber water? Anyhow, I then figured out that that's what I saw Eben shaking a couple of minutes before. I also realized that this was supposed to be the gin drink for the "after" party and I'd unofficially started the after party 10 minutes before everyone else. Not that I'm complaining.

I offered Simon Ford a sip from my scientific chalice as I talked to him about his vacation in South America. He couldn't be at the Beard Off because of the trip, but his beard was able to make an appearance sans him, thanks to modern container technology. Just then Eben passed by and overheard Simon ask what was in the Pimm's Pony and Eben gave the list of ingredients and said that the cucumber foam was there to fool you into think it'd be a smooth, soothing drink, only to have it punch you in the gut.

I joked to our food editor Mr. Bret Thorn and his friend Blain Howard that at some point in my life getting handed strange drinks that a lot of times just sort of magically appear at the ready became part of my job. As if to drive this point home, as soon as I finished what was left in the beaker-glass I was nursing, Ashley set down a full-on wine goblet of more Pimm's Pony in front of me.

"Oh, dear," I thought. I was hoping to make an early escape, but as Tony Abou-Ganim once told me, wasting alcohol is a terrible thing. I tried to soldier on through a couple of sips. I ultimately gave up the fight and walked away. If I continued, I would've risked stumbling into work in a disreputable state the next day because the Pimm's Pony definitely had a healthy kick to it not unlike an irate, er, pony.

Terence Miller at the Stone Rose Lounge

January 23

As I sat in front of my computer earlier in the week, I thought to myself, "You know who I haven't seen in a while?"

So I emailed Yuri Kato of Cocktail Times in hopes of grabbing a drink and catching up. I was in luck. She'd just returned from Japan. She also said that Terence Miller, formerly the sommelier and beverages person over at Megu, was now working as general manager at the Stone Rose Lounge. So we set the time and day, and on Friday, I left the office and made my way westward to Columbus Circle.

The Stone Rose Lounge is housed in the Time Warner Center, surrounded by other restaurants such as Masa, Per Se and Landmarc. The place, which is celebrating its fifth year this year, is definitely more of a lounge, but boasted sprawling space with a ridiculous view of Columbus Circle below.

When Yuri and I met Terence (whom I first saw at the Marie Brizard East Cost competition) at the Stone Rose Lounge, he was just hitting on week two in his new position. The place had a mix of wines, cocktails, and a large selection of spirits.

I asked Terence about the crowd, and he answered that it was a mix from what he's seen. There are people who work and live in the area, then on the weekends the place gets traffic from tourists. He also said that people in the performing arts also stop by since Columbus Circle is in close proximity to venues such as Lincoln Center. Terence explained that alcohol sales reflect the different types of people who stop by. Some might have a pre-show or pre-dinner glass of wine. Tourists might want to try out cocktails in a New York bar. Business types may want to unwind with a glass of their favorite spirit.

Terence suggested that start off with a Peartini (pear vodka, elderflower syrup and champagne), which he pointed out used elderflower syrup rather than liqueur. And thinking I should trying something in the spirit of the season, I tried out the Clementine Crush next (clementine vodka, fresh orange juice, tonic, fresh ginger root and sugar).

The lounge is part of the Gerber Group, some of the drinks onhe cocktail menu might seem familiar since you can also find them at other Gerber bars. Terence said that he was looking forward to working with the menu, possibly bringing in more wines. But for now as he settles into his new position, he said, "I'm here to observe and absorb."

Wines of Navarra 2009

Jan. 22

I found myself back at the W Hotel Union Square for the 2009 Wines of Navarra seminar. I'd been to this seminar before last year, but returned since I'm more than willing to learn some more about different wines.

I recognized Ana Laguna from last year's seminar as she got ready to present about Navarra wines for 2009, but she had a co-host this year. Seasoned winemaker Pilar Garcia-Granero also has the distinction of being the first woman president of the Consejo Regulador Denominacion de Origen Navarra, the governing body for the Navarra D.O..



The winemaking business in Navarra has a strong female presents, though Pilar said that when she first got started 20 years ago this wasn't necessarily the case. One compliment she received during those days was, "Although you are a woman, you make good wine." But nowadays Navarra boasts a large number of women that are involved in winemaking.

Robin Kelly O'Connor, the new director of sales for Sherry-Lehmann who also helps to host the Navarra wine seminars each year, jumped in to say that more women in winemaking is something he's observed around the world as well. He mentioned in particular Chile where close to 40% of winemakers are women.



Like last year, those attending got to hear a bit of background about the Navarra wine region and what was going on the Navarra D.O. around 17-18 wines were sipped during the seminar. While located in Spain, Navarra is also close to France and in particular the Bordeaux region. Also, it possesses varying climates and soils, so though the region boasts its own native grape varieties such as Garnacha and Tempranillo, other wine types such as Cabernet or Merlot are also produced with personalities that can differ quite a bit from those that people traditionally attribute the varieties with. The panel included whites, such as the Cstillo de Monhardin, a Chardonnay; an Enanzo rosé made with 100% Garnacha from Bodegas Campos de Enanzo; Ochoa Red Crianza 2005, a 100% Tempranillo red; and Ars Mácula, a 2004 Red from TANDEM, that is a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot.

Earth 2.0, an organic wine from Romero & Miller was scheduled for the tasting line up, but wasn't available during the seminar. Better late than never, the reps from Romero & Miller showed up at the showroom with their bottles of Earth 2.0 as well as the nonorganic Casita Mami line and created a bit of a hubbub. I watched on person who seemed especially excited by the Casita Mami line. I was curious as to who this was so I decided to introduce myself. The gentleman introduced himself as Erik Strait, the sommelier over at Apiary. Neat! I told Erik I couldn't help but notice he seemed particularly excited about these wines. Erik said that the price and quality was right and he was also looking to include more Spanish wines into Apiary's wine list.

However, it wasn't all drinks at this event. there was a plate of Spanish cheese for people to nosh off of as you'd expect at a wine event, but there were also some dishes created by chef Enrique Martinez. While chorizo is always delicious and the other foods I tried were all quite tasty (including an interesting concoction with a bit of asparagus oil it seemed like), the winner of the day for me was the duck liver covered with dark chocolate. Now, I wouldn't eat a whole Snickers' bar sized piece of it, but I was still all about that.

Lu Brow of Cafe Adelaide and The Swizzle Stick Bar

Jan. 14

I was contacted earlier this week with information that Lu Brow was in New York and available to meet with me. I jumped at the chance. Being here in New York almost all of the time, I always like to talk with people working in different cocktail markets.

Lu works as bar chef for Cafe Adelaide and The Swizzle Stick Bar in New Orleans.

"I want my bar to be a love letter to this city," Lu said about her work at Cafe Adelaide, and in the hometown of classics such as the Sazerac and the Ramos Gin Fizz, classic cocktails play a large part on the menu. Lu said she likes to feature "vintage cocktails that say you're in New Orleans."

She also likes playing with the classics and is even working on creating her own adult version of the New Orleans Snowball. Though there are some cocktails where she thinks the original way is good enough.

One summer Lu was able to feature an entire Tiki menu recreating drinks from the famed, but now defunct, Pontchartrain Beach tiki bar Bali Hai. She was able to do this thanks to recipes supplied to her by the grandchildren (one of whom just happens to be Bryan Batt of AMC's "Mad Men") of Bali Hai's proprietor.

The tiki drinks appealed to the locals' nostalgia, and it was a great opportunity to serve some good drinks. Lu said Ted "Doc Cocktail" Haigh gave his approval for a Fog Cutter she made using a Bali Hai recipe, calling it the best Fog Cutter he'd ever had.

Even though the city is the birthplace of some hallowed classics, promoting handcrafted drinks isn't always easy in a city like New Orleans where some people might more readily recognize the quantity of drinking that takes place. Lu talked about one instance where she polled some of the younger employees to name a New Orleans cocktail, and she got a lot of answers that named the Hand Grenade. Not that a Hand Grenade doesn't have a time and a place. In fact, Lu doesn't believe in cocktail snobbery, but she does believe in cocktail education. It's more about expanding rather than restricting, so education shouldn't be about shutting down guests.

Good education is part of good service since you're required to listen to a customer and work with what they like. It doesn't matter who well a cocktail is made if the elements don't reflect what a customer likes. They just won't drink it.

And Lu says she'll often nudge guests towards trying something new, taking into account things from their drink of choice, by offering, "Try this cocktail and if you don't like it, it's on me and I'll make you anything you like."

So far, she said, she has yet to make someone a make-up cocktail.

Naming the Sazerac as the official cocktail of New Orleans was definitely something else that helped with increasing awareness of New Orleans cocktails.

"New Orleans is known as a city for great food, but I want it to be known also as a city for great cocktails. Every city's got great restaurants with amazing wine lists...What other city has an official cocktail?" Lu said with a smile.

She said that she's definitely seeing more customers who come in and ask to try a Sazerac thanks to the drink's now sanctioned status in the city. They might not know how to even pronounce it, but they're willing to try it because they've heard about it.

The menu at The Swizzle Stick Bar changes seasonally and uses a lot of fresh and local ingredients. Lu said that with the economy affecting things like transportation costs "local is more important than ever."

According to Lu a lot of people don't realize that there's a lot of local citrus in Louisiana, like satsumas. Other fruits such as strawberries and blueberries are also cultivated in the state.

Lu also talked about other efforts in spreading the good news about good cocktails from Ti Adelaide Martin and Lally Brennan. In the Land of Cocktails, a new site which shares its name with the 2007 book by Ti and Lally.

Lu explained that there were some friends in the film industry in L.A. who were out of work due to the writer's strike.

"They didn't have a whole lot going on and weren't doing anything but standing in picket lines," Lu said, so after discussing what sort of message they wanted to send out, it was decided that the site would provide a little glimpse of New Orleans while providing information about cocktails.

The site launched late last year and features recipes as well as a blog and video episodes. Lu said there were many more webisodes to come and the site was a natural extension of what she, Ti and Lally try to do.

The site is meant to appeal to both consumers as well as bartenders. While both bartenders and bar enthusiasts will enjoy the recipes and videos with industry big names like Dale DeGroff, Ti and Lally's declaration of the "No More Bad Cocktails" revolution urges those in front of the bar to not be afraid to send back their cocktails if they don't enjoy them, with concrete reasons why. Thus making the call for better cocktails a two-way street.

As Lu put it, "We want to preach cocktails...so you will value a good cocktail."

And that's for everybody out there in Cocktail Land.

Absinthe gummy bears and Negroni caviar

Taken at Tailor, Jan. 3


Absinthe gummy bears, cousin to the Sambuca gummy bears, gather to pay homage at the foot of the Great Negroni Caviar Bowl

I will say though, the absinthe variety of the gummy bear is sweeter than the sambuca version, and and tastes more like candy than the latter.

2008 Papa Doble Bartender Beard Off part 2

Continued from previous post. Yea, I know, a bit indulgent of me.

Now that I've had some time to think about what transpired, I wanna go back and talk about the drinks a bit. Now yea, I like beards and stuff, but that's not the only reason why I enjoyed the beard off. I also enjoyed it because I was able to close out a year with an event that had a group of good drinks (see previous post to download all the drinks and their recipes). Again, speaking from the three that I mentioned previously, Joaquin's Latin Quarter (Flor de Caña 18yr, sugar cane syrup, Peychaud bitters, Bittermen's mole bitters, Deragon bitters, absinthe rinse) was an interesting mix of flavorful and aromatic and really clean and refreshing at the same time.

Allen's Beaver Puss (Flor de Caña 7yr, Allen's NY Apple Liquer, fresh grapefruit, Meyer Lemon Molasses, egg, garnished with apple and nutmeg had apple liqueur and grapefruit in it, but it wasn't really a fruity drink. In fact the presence of molasses and nutmeg made it more like...caramel? Toffee? I think part of that sort of coffee/toffee flavor came from the Flor de Cana as well. I got to try a bit of both the 18 and 7 year on their own, and both had a sort of understated toasty, coffee-like thing going on in the background.

And Brian's My Oh My Ty (Flor de Caña 7yr, La Favorite Blanc, lime, simple syrup, orgeat syrup, Creole Shrub, absinthe) was a bit of an experience because at the first sip it made me kind a go "Whoa, wait, what's happening?" in sort of a shock of flavors. I found that with each cautious sip to figure out what was going on, they were actually turning into gulps. It grew on you awful fierce.

And I listed the second B as being bartenders, but really, it was a great crowd in general. All kinds of folks stopped by. Sasha Petraske, Eben Klemm, even Brooklyn Brewery brewmaster Garrett Oliver was present. There were even folks from out of town who'd lighted upon New York for this event. Jeff Grdinich came down from New Hampshire to bear witness.

The contestants were being judged for several categories. Obviously one of them was length. Then there was also absorbability, touchability, style and etiquette.

In length, there was a tie for the runner-up position between Brian Miller and Phil Ward who both clocked in at 9cm. Allen Katz won with a whopping 12cm with a tight and dense beard that betrayed its true length. For the Asian Afro league, Don Lee managed to beat out Daniel Eun with 7cm.

The touchability part was more of a popularity contest in a way, since it demanded audience participation. People wandered around the bar feeling the beards of the contestants and cast ballots for their favorite.

The "Beardos," as they were referred to throughout the evening, got behind the bar for the absorbability test. Each contestant had to dip their beard for ten seconds in a container with a quart of beer and the remaining liquid was measured. For the Asian Afro contestants, unfortunately, it was a bucket of water. Though I could see how I'd be torn between thinking how hilarious it is that there is a bucket of beer and sad that it is a bucket of beer that would have to be thrown out.

I wasn't satisfied with Don's head dunking technique and thought he could've shoved his head in a bit more, and in the end I was proven correct when Daniel took the prize for most absorbent head of Asian Afro hair in the room. For the Beardos, Mayur Subbarao and Allen Katz tied for third, Joaquin Simo second and Phil Ward first.

For etiquette some chili dogs were procured from Crif Dogs just a couple of blocks up the road. Contestants were to eat without the use of a napkin, and at the same time down some very frothy Ramos Gin Fizzes.

I'm...I'm not exactly sure what the judging criteria for this was. I think it was some variation of the Blackpool Handkerchief Swab Test introduced by Eliazar Huffenpuffen, a gentlemen who was quite trusted for all matters style, during the 87th Annual Drone's Club Flaneur Fete. Hunffenpuffen accused George "Banjo" Barrington of not being a true man about town thanks to the disgraceful state of his moustache. However, before any of the other club members could turn around and see what all the commotion was about, Banjo faked a sneeze to wipe his face. Huffenpuffen went into an apoplectic fit and the only thing that redeemed his reputation was the fact that his valet Xavier picked up the discarded handkerchief (a nice monogrammed square of cloth that anyone should be sort lose) and quite accidentally displayed the soiled side to the room as he asked Banjo whether or not the handkerchief was his.

The above is a load of crock, but indeed a napkin was involved at the end. A dab to see how much came off the hirsute faces. For the Afro contestants, they balanced a book on their head as they tried to make daiquiris. Joaquin Simo won for the Beards and Daniel Eun for the Afros.

The belle of the ball of the events had to be the fashion show. And everyone pretty much went all out. It seemed like Don and Daniel had agreed to make this portion a dance off of sorts since Daniel b-boyed and Don discoed his way down the impromptu runway created by the crowd clearing the floor of Death and Co. Joaquin Simo created a whole accompanying video for his James Bond, er, Beard, inspired runway walk, employing his fiance Rhea Wong as deadly Bond Girl who can't help but find herself drawn to the mysterious man's facial topiary. Mayur powdered his beard for his Santa-themed performance, but then began to strip out of it to the crowd's shrieks, only to have it die down to strangely disappointed "awwws" when they realized he was wearing a smart suit underneath. Phil Ward however, took the cake for theatrics with his appearance as Jesus Christ (costume change number two, if you're following along from the previous post). Not only did he pull out huge enormous cross from out of nowhere, he got friends to act as people needed healing and I have no idea where that one dude was hiding the wheelchair.

Phil won the beard fashion show.

The touchability ballots were all counted and Phil won that as well. And with that the overall winners were announced. For the beards it was Brian Miller in third, Phil Ward in second, and living up to crowd expectations, Allen Katz took first.
Don Lee won the honor of overall awesome Asian afro.

Daniel said he wants to go on the record that he was robbed. He won more categories than Don.

Oh, and what was Phil's third and final costume change? After everything was over, he came out to the bar clad only in boxers to serve drinks. I also want my readers to know that I have photos of said sight and am willing to part with them for a small fee.

As part of his acceptance speech, Allen Katz said, "This is my first beard...and I feel like keeping it for a while." In fact, I got an email from Don earlier this week asking me if I'd seen the new version of Allen's beard. It was now in a Franz Josef style.

Stay golden, pony boy. Stay golden.

2008 Papa Doble Beard Off pt. 1

Editor's note: Brevity may be the soul of wit, but I realized this thing was turning into a monster of an entry. I'm also pressed for time in the office so I don't really have the luxury of going back to prune this a little better, so I'm going to have to bisect it for now.

Dec. 30, 2008

"You're going to be at the Beard Off, right?" Don Lee asked me on Facebook. Of course I was! I would be lying if I were to say that the Papa Doble Beard Off wasn't the event of the year that I was looking forward to. If there was any better way to close out 2008, I wanna hear it. It was like a Christmas present to me. I spent an evening surrounded "The Three Bs of Great Fun": booze, bartenders and beard. That's right, beards...Man, I love facial hair.

But enough about me and my kind of creepy affinity for beards and mustaches.

I wasn't sure if I was late or early when I got to Death and Company. Sometimes it's hard to tell with events. You might show up on time only to wait about 30 minutes as you wait for more people to show up, and sometimes you show up inarguably late only to realize you're STILL one of the (only) early birds. So I was happy to see that there were some confused people being turned away from the door since they didn't a private event was taking place. No, no, not happy, because I mean, sucks to be them and all...wait, no, that came out wrong. I mean, I wasn't glad people were being turned away. I was glad because it meant I arrived pretty much in good time.

It was weird being in a lit up Death and Co. Usually when it's that bright while I'm in there I'm the only person remaining besides staff because I'm polishing off an ill-advised drink I probably should not have ordered ten minutes after last call and most probably I'm getting just a tad bit mouthy to whoever is behind the bar (usually, a very patient Alex Day because I know he'll put up with me for some unknown reason) as everyone's trying to pack up and go home. And thanks to the fortifying powers of alcohol, my quiet drinking become punctuated with unexpected bits of verbal buckshot that sounded perfectly OK in my head but come out really wrong. So this was a little different.

The official judging and competition part wasn't taking place yet and it was official mill about and talk to folks time, so I walked around and bumped into Allen Katz. I asked him which competing categories he felt confident in since he was clearly a crowd favorite. He was looking delightfully old-timey with his beard and outfit combo.

I spotted Phil Ward who seemed to be going for a sort of Warriors or biker gang type thing with his caramel-colored leather vest and hair pulled back in a ponytail. Little did I know he'd go through two more costume changes in the course of the evening.

Don Lee showed up in what looked like a leisure suit and Daniel Eun in a tracksuit and a headband.

My expectations were now quite high.

Jim Ryan, who was not participating in the Beard Off, but still gets mention because of the petit handlebars he always sports, was looking unusually laid back in jeans and a sweater. I asked him what was up with this since I'm used to seeing him in some variation of this, and he answered that it was just him toned down. Maybe I just don't hang out with the guy often enough outside of work-related gatherings but it was a glimpse into the casual side of Jim Ryan.

I even met some guys from the group Branded by Beards, who gave me a flyer for an upcoming event of theirs. The 2009 NYC Beard and Moustache Championships. I had to stop myself from shouting, "Dudes, seriously??"

As my friend Alexis later told me, "It's like your whole life was building up to this moment. Little did you know that when you started working for NRN, you'd be put on this path...writing about bartenders so you could go to this bartender beard thing and then finding out about this?"

"I know, right?!" I exclaimed in response. But once again, enough about my weird admiration of facial hair.

Ty Baker and Joaquin Simo


For those of you who don't know the story behind the Beard-Off, his is its second annual incarnation. The first year it was simply a friendly(?) wager between Brian Miller and Ty Baker. Beard Off commissioner Ty Baker said that this year 20 contestants started out in August, shaving their chins (and in some cases heads) clean, but only eight survived all the way to the Dec. 30 beard off date. Brian Miller said that he would like to thank all the girlfriends who put up with the facial hair madness and there some harumphs and "mm-hmms" of agreement from the crowd. For those who did drop out before the beard off date, a hundred dollar fine was collected from each. The event was also a charity event so these fees went towards the event's charity of choice, the American Nicaraguan Foundation.

The judges of this event were Gary Regan, Dave Wondrich and Julie Reiner. Mr. Thorn commented on how serious the judges were during their judging, and not to mention, the event managed to get some cocktailians of renown to judge not drinks, but beards.

For those who've seen Dave Wondrich in person, his qualifications for beard judging are plainly on his face since he's curator of a pretty sizable beard. And Mr. Regan? Well, just pick up a bottle of Regan's Orange Bitters. Or even better, check out this photo we used to run back in the day when he wrote a regular column for Nation's Restaurant News:



We updated to a more recent photo of him later on, but for a while, that was the face of Gary Regan that stared back at you from the pages of NRN.

The event was sponsored by Flor de Caña, and it was a bartender event, so of course there was drinking to be had. Contestants created recipes for the event using Flor de Caña. I'm pretty sure I tried most, if not all, of them. I definitely remember having Joaquin's Latin Quarter and Brian's My Oh My Ty. And I most definitely remember Allen Katz's Beaver Puss because he was talking about how he made his own apple liqueur for it and, really, the name reverted me back to middle school. I'm sorry if any of you thought I was better than that. Allen feigned ignorance in response to the giggles and said that it's an old way of referring to a bearded man, and what was wrong with that?

To be continued...